Today I went digging. I have had to dig deeper than I thought I would at certain parts of the day, and I have been able to put the spade away in the shed at others. It has felt like every time I looked at food I had different reactions. Sometimes I would want to simply stuff my face full of said food, other times I looked at it and simply saw stuff that made me fat that I don't particularly want any more. So why the difference?
The way I see it, wanting to eat is much more psychological for me than cravings. I can remember quitting smoking, I didn't actually miss the smoking part of smoking, the inhaling and the nicotine addiction. What I missed was taking time outside away from everything, the having something in my hand, the actual act of smoking, lifting my hand up to my mouth, taking a deep breath and breathing out.
And that is precisely how today felt. I didn't want to eat, particularly, I wanted to do the act of placing something in my mouth, I wanted the sensation of chewing. I knew that I wasn't exactly hungry, I continuously drank water and tea to stifle my hunger, but I really don't think I was actually hungry. I wanted the feeling I got from eating, nothing else. I also knew that I wanted to eat out of boredom at times, staring at a screen for so many hours a day can do that to you. So at those times, the spade came out and I almost made it to Australia.
However, the digging worked and deep I went, but I have been good all day. I have exercised, stretched, walked the dog, read, written, done home learning and reflected on how well or how not so well I have done. I have also recorded all my meals and made sure that I stayed within my calorie limits as well as not eating foods high in fat and sugar. I have also eaten a lot of fruit and vegetables and, although I still feel hungry (to an extent), I know that I can last this next bit out. I still have my pudding to eat (fruit salad) and I also know that I can look back on today and smile.
I have dug deep. I have my spade ready for tomorrow. Now I can relax.
Stay strong, dig deep, keep pushing through!
Thanks for reading.
Sean.
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