Now is the time to see what I am made of, I think. Over the past few weeks I have been made of a kind of mushy substance that doesn't hold up to the heat but simply becomes a droopy mess. I used to think that I was made of sterner stuff, but the wilting under the pressure has made me wonder about that. The thing is, I know that I have it in me to get to where I want to go, I just have to want it badly enough.
After watching the BBC programme over the last few nights, and if you have read yesterday's blog you should know this, the phrase 'dig deep' has become something of a mantra to me. It's really made me stop and reflect on what I have to do to get to where I want to be. It's nothing really new, everyone has to find something within themselves that gets them onto the next point of their journey, but the phrase seems to represent something that I am missing, that depth needed when a craving, or hunger, or boredom, or tiredness tries to kill the dedication I want to have when trying to eat healthily and lose weight.
Digging deep means getting beyond that, it means I have to look deeper inside myself and get every ounce of strength that I have to make sure that I am doing what I want to do, that I am not giving in when it is tough. I really have to know that what I am doing is worth it and stop being that ice cream melting in the sun. I have been this determined before and I have melted, but that phrase is staying with me, something I can repeat when the going gets tough and I know I need that little bit more mental strength to get through it so that I can look back on each day and say you know what...I did it, I got through the day without compromising my journey.
I know I can do it, I've been doing it with the exercising for over a month now without any sign of quitting, so I know that it is in me. I just need to make sure that quitting is no longer an option. I just need to dig deep and tell myself, if digging deep doesn't seem to be working, to dig even deeper. I need to shrug off this shallowness I am allowing myself to be and get to the stronger, tougher me. I've done it before, I can do it again.
And now I have a bigger spade.
Thanks for reading.
Sean.