It has been 40 days since I last blogged. And although a lot of those days I have had little time to sit and do this, there is still no excuse for it. I have found time to read, I have found time to play games on my phone, I have found time to watch television...I have chosen not to blog, if I am being absolutely honest with myself; and I need to be honest on these blogs or what's the point of them as a reflective tool to help me.
The year is almost over, and thank God for that. I don't think I, or anyone else in the world, have ever been through a worse year. To say I am exhausted is a slight understatement. I have started to lose weight, lost a lot and put most of it back on.
However, the best thing about this year, despite setback after setback, is that I have learnt a lot about myself and I have made a few friends along the way. I have also learnt that there are two deadly enemies (although there are more, but these are smaller and less significant ones) to someone like me that is trying to lose weight. The first is tiredness and the second is making doing giving up an option - both of which I have succumbed to. Additionally, I have found that the first, generally leads to the second.
Tiredness has been my biggest threat and my biggest weakness this year. Every time I have given in to temptation it has generally been because I have been tired. Tiredness has kicked my motivation and dedication into touch; tiredness has made me say, "Just one won't hurt,"; tiredness has made me stop at the shop on the way home and buy some beer, or crisps, or chocolate (mostly under the guise of getting my wife a treat, when really the treat is for me). Tiredness has had me convincing myself that I can eat crap tonight and get back on it tomorrow, with the same thing happening the next day, and the next, and the next, and the next...
The second thing that has helped me to gain my weight again is making quitting an option, making not doing something an option. I have already explained that this is exacerbated through tiredness, but it is also a stand alone reason. During October I ran 2 miles every day for a month, I didn't stop or miss a day because I didn't give myself the option of quitting, of stopping doing that, because I was raising money for charity. Yes, I was tired, sometimes I was exhausted, but I kept going, I never quit and I ran those 2 miles daily (sometimes 3) every day for that month. I did that because I did not give myself the option to quit.
I blogged continuously for, I think, about 190 days (or thereabouts) because I had to, because I didn't give myself the option to not blog - this kept me going. The moment I gave myself the option not to blog, I stopped blogging regularly because not blogging was now an option on the table. When not blogging was not an option, I blogged whether I thought I had time or not. As soon as there was the option of not blogging, that became my reason, my excuse not to blog; and here I am 40 days of not blogging later.
For me, making quitting an option has been my biggest setback. I actually didn't realise that I had done that until I was listening to a podcast from Joe Rogan, who was talking about his demons and how he had overcome them to build himself and his business up. He was talking about how he was always losing and gaining weight, his business ventures were working then failing and he couldn't understand why - so he decided to take a look at himself and found that when he was putting weight on, he was making quitting or not doing something an option, which made that an option every day. This included his businesses.When he allowed himself to miss a deadline or to not get something important done until the next day, that became an option on the table, one that he continued to take time and time again.
So he stopped putting quitting or not doing stuff as an option and now he is in shape, with a business that brings in a hefty pay packet. This is something that I need to get back to and the one thing that I am happy with for this year.
Although I have lost weight and gained weight (I weigh almost as much as I did at this time last year) I have learnt a lot about myself and this is my takeaway from this year. I have to watch for tiredness by making sure that I am giving myself rest time and time to wind down if I need it and I have to stop making quitting or not doing something an option.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have had a lot of days (when I was motivated and on top of my game) where I ate rubbish and I drank, but this was a timetabled day of doing this so that, the following day, I was straight back on it. In hindsight, I think that I should have set boundaries for these days instead of giving myself free-reign to eat and drink as much as I wanted; but hindsight is only helpful if you learn from it.
What, then, does this do for my future plans?
From this point I have to be realistic. It's nearly Christmas and I am still extremely tired and, although it is the Christmas holiday, I am still not sleeping well because my body-clock won't let me. Firstly, I have to make a commitment to being healthy, that's a given - but it's how I am going to do it that will make me make the change. So continuing this blog into the New Year is my commitment to myself. I have to blog every day and reflect on how things are going - even if that is simply a paragraph. One of the reasons I have stopped blogging is time, so if I commit to blogging I have to be realistic and understand that they can't all be this big: sometimes they will have to be what they are. It's the 'every day reflection' that I have to commit to - not the amount that I write.
Next, I am committing to exercising regularly and eating healthily, although I will not say I will be eating healthily or not drinking on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day or New Year's Eve - but now these are planned, so I am not quitting or making quitting an option. I also know that we are having a week off from work this week and trying to get back some sort of normality back into our lives, so there will also be times when we have an unscheduled MacDonalds or an extra chippy - because it's Christmas and a time to celebrate being alive - so this is also in my plans and therefore I am not making quitting an option. From January 1st, this is no longer valid, so doing that again will be making quitting an option and I will not be making quitting an option this year.
Obviously I will need to revise the title of my site, but that's ok. Rome wasn't built in a day and instead of losing all the weight I wanted to lose, I have lost a little and gained a lot of knowledge about me and my habits and what will keep me going. It has been a rollercoaster ride this year, but I am getting bored of riding rollercoasters and now I want to get off and start walking that Roman road towards my destination. Planning and commitment are the tools I need, rest and understanding is what I need and I will see how this new year goes and where it takes me; because it will certainly find me much more alert and ready to not make quitting an option.
Therefore, my blogging will be every day from this point onwards, but I am not committing to any more than a single paragraph a day. If I write more...bonus! If not, then that'll be my reflection. I am also committing to exercising every day, even if that is only a 30 minute walk with the dog (although I will make a bigger commitment in the New year) because walking the dog is better than doing nothing. Let's get back on it.
Until tomorrow, stay strong and stay safe and enjoy the holidays!
Thanks for reading.
Sean
Comments