For two days now I have done 17,000+ steps (23,000 steps today) and I am feeling much better for it. I havent been up stupidly early doing my exercise videos (but I do plan on getting back to them soon) but I have been getting back to doing...stuff.
Today I cleaned a few rooms, I ironed a lot, walked the dog a lot and generally tried to keep busy. I started feeling tired about 11am but slowed down and had a rest and, after half an hour or so, felt normal again and got on with 'stuff' again. It was nice feeling in control again and feeling a returning desire to exercise and move and eat normally.
One of the things I've done to rectify the way I've been feeling is to have an open and honest conversation with myself and also with my wife. There have been some hard truths coming through which I have had to face, but that's ok, that's what this process is supposed to be for. I've talked about the stress I've been under with a poorly dog, which has cost us around £700 in vet's fees over the last three weeks, a new lockdown, not knowing what's happening and the amount of work that needs completing by the end of next week. Coupled with that, my wife pointed out to me, very honestly and with love, that I had been drinking heavily for the last few weeks. Of course, I argued this, but on reflection and talking through the days, I realised she was right.
Obviously I don't have a drink problem, but I do recognise that I have been trying to cover up my stresses with drink, so I have taken the step of going damp this month. Per week, I am allowed a maximum of 4 bottles of lager or a double whisky, that's it. I don't think that's excessive and my wife agrees. My drinking may even have caused my burn out to happen quicker. Since taking that decision a few days ago my drive and motivation have been returning much quicker. Therefore I have to conclude that alcohol may have been a large factor in what has happened to me. It has certainly contributed to my lack of sleep.
Another positive about today is that, half way through my walk today I suddenly decided to jog the rest of the way home and, to my surprise and delight, I thoroughly enjoyed it and I also was in no way out of breath when I arrived back at my house. I also felt great, I had a little bit of a sweat on and the endorphins had kicked in big time. So I've decided to buy some trainers and get back in to running as well as my exercises (being careful to give myself rest and time to recover).
One thing I am happy with, throughout all this, is the fact that I have always been determined to fight through and return to it once I recovered. There has never been any doubt in my mind at any point that I wouldn't recover, that I wouldn't get over it and carry on. In the past, by now, I would have forgotten all about it and be back on track to being heavy again, drowning my sorrows in alcohol and food. But not this time. This time there is no going back. There is no quitting. I am just over half way through the year and I will get to where I want to be by the end of it. Nothing will stop me...not even me.
I hope that your journey is going well, and that you are equally determined to get to your ideal. I will certainly be coming along with you.
Until tomorrow, stay strong and stay safe.
Thanks for reading.
Sean.