Since the government announced that schools would reopen on June 1st for primary school children of certain ages lots of friends and my wife have been anxious and stressed about the future. We all have children ourselves and we fear what we may bring home to them, especially considering the DFe have said that teachers should not wear PPE in schools and that social distancing should be relaxed to a certain extent. Along with this they have also said that teachers should continually wash their hands and not touch books of students or, if they do, to again wash their hands. Contradictory considering the government are saying that children are low risk carriers. So they are low risk but make sure you follow social distancing but don't. All this is not helping the mental health of teachers and is a confusing message and very worrying.
Why have I started my blog in this way tonight? I have started this way because my wife is trying to focus on things that she can control at this time when she, and many others, feel that there is so much that we cannot control. The things that I eat and the way that I feel and the exercises I do and the lifestyle I live are all things that I can control. I can walk if I want to. I can eat healthy things so that I know I will grow old and see my daughter graduate from university and walk her down the isle when she gets married. I can exercise and lose the body fat that gives me a greater risk of medical conditions so that I can be there for my family for as long as possible. I can't control the pandemic that is currently ravaging the country, but I can control the things I can control and I will.
My motivation over the last few weeks has always been to make sure that I am there for my family for as long as possible. Sometimes I really do not want to get up in the morning. The alarm goes off and my pillow is so comfortable, the duvet is so warm, the mattress is so comfortable...but I have to get up, I have to go down stairs and do the exercises and keep going because there are things in my life that require me to keep going, to lose the weight and give myself the greatest possibility of longevity and give my wife, my daughter, my step kids memories in which I am there and I am helping in every day life. I am there laughing and smiling and educating and hugging and kissing and talking and everything that I can do because I can control this.
I am not saying that controlling the things I eat and the things I drink isn't hard, or that I am going to be perfect every day, but I know that I am responsible for giving my best and so therefore I have to try my best all the time, regardless of whether or not it works 100% of the time. If I fail, I will pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going. I am focused.
I don't think that I have ever been more focused on losing the weight and becoming healthier. I am at a point where, when I have a choice to eat something that isn't good for me or will add calories to my day that I do not want, then I face it and think about it and reject it. My focus is so strong on getting to my goal that now it has become a non-choice, there is no choice any more. Sometimes I imagine myself eating the things I want, as I have been doing this week in my experiment, and that is enough for me to not eat it. Mostly I realise that if I eat something now, then later in the day I have to forego something and that means going for a long time without having something to eat. And as I have learnt that spreading out my food means I am never really going without, this helps me to not eat when temptation calls.
I am in charge of me. There is no one else that can make me eat or do the things I shouldn't be doing. Times are challenging, all times are. No matter what the time of day, if you used to be an eater or drinker like me then the wanting will always, I think, be there. But each day that I eat healthily then I take responsibility for me, I accept the responsibility of the choices I make and accept the consequences of them. When I stick to my plan then the consequences are twofold, I am a little hungry at times and I lose weight and become healthier. I don't know at which point of this journey I realised this, but the drive I now feel is certainly something I haven't felt in the other times that I have tried to give up the food. The desire for food and alcohol was always greater than my willpower and the subtle change in me means that, now, the opposite is true. I am in control of the choices and things I do and I have taken control of this because I needed to. I have felt like crap and I have felt hungry and I have felt like giving in, but I haven't. No matter how many times I have fallen, and I have fallen a lot if you have read these blogs, I have picked myself up and carried on. And this is what I will continue to do.
In this time of complete insanity, I am in control of me. I weigh less than I used to, I am healthier than I used to be, I am more alert to nutrition than I have ever been and I am exercising more than I ever have since I was at school. Everything I do is a positive step towards my goals, so everything I do is a positive. Nothing is too small to make a difference. An extra single step means you've moved more than you normally would, but then why not take another, and another. I can do the exercises at the video's pace, or I can do it at my pace and face the pain. I can eat one thing healthier than I used to and I am winning. I am focused on this, on my life, on the things I can control.
Because I am focused and I am in control.
Until tomorrow, stay strong and stay safe.
Thanks for reading.
Sean.
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