First, again, my fake day.
Breakfast: Two rounds of toast and butter with Cheese.
Mid-morning snack: packet of crisps and a yoghurt.
Lunch: Beans on Toast with brown sauce. Packet of crisps.
Mid afternoon snack: bowl of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.
Dinner: Faggots, chips and mushy peas and beans. 3 slices of white bread. Tomato Ketchup.Gravy.
Pudding: choux bun x 2.
Double whisky.
Total Calories for the day: 2871
Excess Calories: 371 (but high fat and carb content).
I think I enjoyed eating the dinner the most when I thought about what I actually wanted for dinner in my fake reality. I'm sure I would have had some of the Bourbon biscuits that were left from yesterday but I have spent the majority of the day sat in front of a computer, so my mind has not wandered as much as it did yesterday. I should really have placed more food in the evening section as I am craving a little tonight, as I have left myself little in reality to look forward to, so knowing I have hardly any calories left makes me want more. An interesting feeling.
So what did I actually have today?
Breakfast: boiled egg sandwich.
Lunch: humous wrap with veg, a packet of crisps.Banana.
Mis afternoon snack: Yoghurt.
Dinner: Toad in the hole with mash, gravy and veg.
Pudding: Home made sponge cake (thin slice).
Total calories for the day: 1696 (a little over).
Cardio exercises 25 minutes
Press ups - 25
Walking 15,925 steps.
I have tried to spread my calories over the day today so that I do not have a lot of calories in the evening with which to 'treat' myself with crap to make up the calorie deficiency. I know I could fill it up with healthier alternatives but I simply don't trust myself at the minute. Therefore I am doing the sensible thing and spreading them out. However, as mentioned earlier, knowing that I have very few calories left over to eat has created a reaction in my mind/body of the cravings I thought were only around during the day. Psychologically it's interesting that as soon as your mind knows that you cannot have things, it wants them. It's almost as if a primal instinct, you inner child, a natural rebellion is taking over and making you want it simply because can't, because you are denying yourself that luxury. Perhaps this is the emotional hindrance to losing weight that I looked into the other week? Who knows?
It is much easier staying away from food and not have cravings when your mind is occupied throughout the day, and sitting, sifting through evidence and writing out justifications for grades certainly ticks that box. I haven't moved all day just so that I can get the grades done and sent off to the powers that now have to sift through them and make sure that they are correct for our venue, and that they will not need auditing before being sent off to OFQUAL. It's been mentally exhausting and, I suppose, this hasn't helped this evening's craving central as my willpower is not up to its normal standard...but I am holding firm.
I am thoroughly enjoying the walks I am able to have during the days and the exercises I am able to do whilst I am off school, and I am a little worried about where I will be able to fit this in once schools reopen. I have to try and work on a plan that will fit in around my work and make sure that I do not lose what I have now and become a workaholic again, it's not healthy. It is certainly a problem I will have to face sooner or later, but we will see. I will place it in a lock box in my files inside my head and open it again when I need to.
But for now I will simply enjoy the life I have and all the wonderful things I have in them. I am still managing to keep up to date with all my habits and I keep ticking them off the app - it is so satisfying seeing the ticks and motivating to make sure that there are no spaces in-between them that show I haven't done them. I am also enjoying all the reading I am doing and the learning online. It's been great being able to learn new things and actually have time to think about them and how I will implement them once I get back to work. So there are things to look forwards to. All this because, at the end of the working day, I can actually sit down and enjoy my evenings rather than marking and planning and grading and admining (made up word).
So tonight I am grateful for long walks, chats, learning, reading and generally feeling lucky to be alive. I hope you manage to enjoy your journey as much as I am. I am also grateful that I have, after such a large number of days, finally found the drive I need to succeed. Keep going...you WILL get there in the end.
I hope that your day is good and you enjoy the things and people around you.
Until tomorrow, stay strong and stay safe.
Thanks for reading.
Sean.
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