Today was a good day but a bad day at the same time. I remember having these a lot the last time I tried to lose weight. I would be fine one minute, then either see myself in the mirror and think of how fat I was, why I still looked the same even though I'd been good. I know it's stupid and I know I that my body shape won't change over such a short time, but I still get depressed looking at myself.
I did have a high protein breakfast, with bacon, sausage, eggs and beans but then felt guilty about it because it was, essentially, a fry up without the carbs. I walked around Sainsbury's and kept seeing myself in the mirror and reflecting on how hideous I was.
But then I caught myself. This time, instead of a continuous cycle of feeling guilty and then eating again, the little voice in my head was different. It didn't sound like the other one, the one that told me how fat I was and how it'll always be the same. Instead, this voice was calm, telling me that it would take time, it would go eventually. It told me things would be fine and that I needed to keep going. I liked this new voice.
I was still annoyed at my fails over the childless weekend, but I was and am determined not to quit. I'd found I had a strained abdomen, which meant rest and no more football for a month, but I'm going to mend the puncture on my bike and start riding again and going for longer walks with the wife. I'm also gradually beginning to say no to temptations.
Making changes and becoming healthy takes time. Losing the pounds takes time. Changing your body shape takes time, and this is something I really have to get my mind around. I always say I do know it, but I am lying to myself a little, because I know next weekend I'll look at my fat self in the mirror and be disappointed that I'm still not slim. It will take time, both the change in my diet and exercise and understanding that it will, actually, take time. This is, as I've always said, a campaign, not a single battle.
So what am I going to do then?
I have set aside time for walking every night or morning to help me with exercising. I'm also going to up my step count to 15,000 a day. I have subscribed to Headspace to get my mind in the moment (I'll let you know how that one goes) and I am going to start mantras, which, according to some research, helps you to do things. I'm not convinced but I'll give it a go. You have to keep an open mind. Lastly, I'm going to read more. Hopefully this will take my mind off any cravings I have and help to keep my mind active.
Obviously there is marking and planning, but I have to make time for myself if I want to change. I'm working to live, not the other way round.
So if you're having a bad time or going through a hard day or days, just think about how far you've come. Try and look at where you want to be in 6 months and imagine yourself getting there. Change that little voice in your head from one who makes you feel bad, to one that encourages you and helps you to learn from your setbacks.
Whichever way helps...do it. Research, look it up, find ways, talk to people, ask questions, do what you need to but keep going. I am.
Thanks for reading.
Stay strong.
Sean
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