So yesterday, you may have noticed, I didn't post a reflection on how my day had gone. This was due to a number of things beyond my control. I didn't intend to not post, I had in mind what I was going to talk about, but sometimes events and life gets in the way. Sometimes a non-working MacBook or internet also get in the way. These things cannot be avoided.
Because of this, it started me thinking about leading a healthier lifestyle and the journey I have been on so far. Lots of things have got in the way, some of my own making, some that have been unforeseen and some that have either been seen or unforeseen but I have still allowed to take me away from the journey I was on. Life does that.
No matter how much we prepare, no matter how motivated or ready we are for change, there will always be something that life throws in the way to test our resolve. This can be someone inviting you over for a meal and there being many variety of treats set out in front of you, it could be going out with your partner to celebrate some special occasion that will bring you into contact with a menu, alcohol and the phrase 'one night won't hurt'. It could also be something as simple as not having a great day, which always inevitably steals your resolve, takes that motivation that has been driving you on since the beginning, wrapping it in toilet paper and flushing it down the loo.
What happens on those days? For me, a lot of the time I would simply drink, or eat crisps, or both, or have a takeaway, or, or, or.
Sometimes I would take it on the chin, see it for what it was, me - adhering to place or emotion and allowing my willpower to wane for that part and then move on; other times I would bury my head in the sand and pretend that I done nothing, I had eaten healthily and I was still on track; some times I would simply give up and start eating and drinking the way I did before I started. Thankfully I now do the former and not the latter. The middle track normally ended with a weigh in at the end of a week with a disappointing gain or maintain. My moobs would remain, my stomach would remain and I would wonder why it had happened. So really a combination of sticking my head in the sand and then pretending to get back on it would be my go to place.
Now, yesterday being a tense and stressful day with lockdown taking its toll on a family being together in a confined space 24/7, knocked me from the high I had gained the previous day (having both a couple of beers and a takeaway). It also ended in me not going to bed until 2am and then still not managing to get much sleep, which had the obvious knock on effect of stopping me exercising this morning. Things accumulate; life gets in the way sometimes. It's like that, I have to accept this.
However, what I don't have to accept is that I will carry on like this. I have to retain the motivation to carry on and not move back into the 'head in sand' or 'fall' place I usually go to - instead I had to realise that I had a bad day, that I will try to ensure that it won't happen again: now I will move on. This has to happen and so I am watching me carefully.
It is easy to allow life to give you the excuses you need to go back to eating whatever you want and to drink excessively, and it is hard to recognise this and then to stop doing it. It takes a lot of will power to suppress the desire for another cake once you've had one, to not have another beer when you've had one, to not have another packet of crisps when you've had one...it's a vicious cycle that, if you don't wrestle back control quickly, can pull you back into its vice-like grip and keep you there forever.
It is much easier simply to stay on track. I have found this, I also found that the renewed energy I had through following my strict path drastically falls away if you deviate even once, but it's incredibly easy to go back to feeling energised again after one day back on it...and that is where I am. No takeaway today, no beer, eating healthily and making sure that I reflect on the good things I have accomplished. One fall doesn't mean a loss. One day off doesn't signal defeat. One day off doesn't mean I've failed. It does mean that, for that small time, I have lost the control I needed to keep going. It doesn't mean that it won't be a hard fight to get it back. It does mean that you can be back in the driving seat and that your future and your journey is in your hands.
My future, my life, my decisions.
This time, I am in control.
Until tomorrow, stay safe and stay strong.
Thanks for reading.
Sean.
Comments